i've gotta take a few steps back. i'm feeling really down and out. i'm drained but i'm still on a temporary high. it's like i want you so bad. but i know i cant have you. you will never love me. ahya. fuck. it has always been YOU. i sumpah. even when i look at your photos. it makes me SO happy. ahh. fuck it. i need to think about what i've been doing how i've been feeling. i need a diary to pen my most personal thoughts. you know i dont know why i feel like this. why i want so much from you. maybe i'm just dreaming or maybe i've always had false hopes of you and me being together one day. i dream of you at night. sometimes it's good sometimes it's bad. i dreamt that i was your maid. i dreamt that we went to obs and were in the same watch. i dream that you and me were best friends. oh wells. even if we were just best friends i'd be happy already. i keep reminiscing bout you in march and april. although we have talked more in july and sorts. ahya. fuck it. fuck it. FUCK IT. anyway. i've no idea what i'm saying.